Friday, May 27, 2011

A Whole New World

*I am fully aware that I fell out of the blogging world for like the last 2 months.  For several reasons.  We haven't had internet at my house since we moved to Vegas, so blogging isn't my first concern in the precious few moments when I DO have the internet. Also, I haven't been as into it.  See below.*

I used to love that song when I was little.  I literally tried to live my life in the movies (still do) because they are so romantic, and I am truly one of those.

Now, I really am living in a whole new world though. And it's not easy.  It's not awful either.  I have so many people who surround me with whom I share a deep love.  There has been so much support and my family has truly rescued me often.

I know I have mentioned health issues I've had before, but recently, they have been much worse.  Not really because I can't deal with the pain or sorrow that comes along with feeling like you can't take care of your husband or child or family or friends well enough, but the kind that comes when the doctors can't figure out what's wrong with you and you wonder if it will ever pass--if you will EVER be able to take care of your husband or child or family or friends well enough or if you will always be at their mercy.  I had a lot of dreams about the kind of wife and mother I would be back when I had lots of energy.  A year and a half ago that all changed. Don't get me wrong--I don't feel like I'm a terrible mother.  Camden is such a good, good child though that he allows for some of my physical inabilities.  He can keep himself quite entertained when I do not have the energy to get up.  He cuddles next to me in bed when he wants to be held (some of my FAVORITE moments!!).  And luckily, I do not ALWAYS have to be in bed, so overall, it works.

At least it is comforting to know that I have so much support and love.  The last couple weeks when I have been in the ER, my parents have taken over!  They took Camden and cared for him the first time for the LONG 14 hour wait to get into the ER so Devin could be there with me.  When Devin had to go to work, my dad switched him out so I would not be alone.  Devin sacrificed many hours of sleep and they all drove me around while I was on heavy pain killers.  They have held me up when I literally couldn't stand on my own.  My sweet brothers have cared so well for Camden by playing with him and getting him and me things needed while Mom was finishing her last week of college. (YAY Mom! Sorry again that I couldn't be there!) Not ONCE did I have to worry or have to figure out anything on my own.  My mom has taken me to countless hours of Dr's appointments and ER visits and my mother-in-law has been willing to watch Camden when there wasn't anyone else who could.  I am truly grateful for each of their service.

I have no question that a loving Heavenly Father is watching out for us.  There isn't a reason in this world we should have ended up in Las Vegas--not with the economy the way it is; and especially with Devin's career options.  But we did.  And there couldn't have been a greater blessing than to be here now at this time.  As hard as things could have been, they really haven't been for, "my yoke is easy, and my burden is light" (Matthew 11:30).  Truly His yoke is easy, and because of that, those moments that make for us a whole new world don't become so overwhelming to bear.

*An update for those who have been wondering--I have bilateral mild to moderate hydronephrosis in my kidneys (the right being worse than the left--among other symptoms which would probably be TMI).  They still do not know what is causing it.  Originally, it was concluded that I had possible kidney stones, but after CT scans, those were not found and problems and pain are still occurring.  I appreciate all of you who have kept us in your prayers and put my name in the temple.  I have felt the spiritual, emotional, and physical blessings the Lord offers through the Atonement, faith, prayer, and priesthood power.  Thank you, thank you!